Amazed by Grace

Sometimes I am absolutely amazed at the things that come out of Grace's mouth. More times than not, her words are hilarious, true, and directly to the point. She has a mind like a steel trap for detail...sometimes that's good, and sometimes it's bad. We've all had to look at each other at some point and say, "She's right." :)

Anyway, the story, for now though, is this:

Grace had her 11th birthday on April 13...a little over two weeks ago. Here is a picture from that night to give you a graphic:

You'll see Kate's knee and laptop on the couch behind Grace. I was on the floor taking pictures as Grace was opening some of her birthday stuff, and decided I needed a picture of Kate, since I haven't taken any of her in quite a while. With her being almost 16 now, pictures aren't so much her thing anymore, but I aimed my camera anyway and was about to shoot when she looked up and said, "Don't!" and ducked down behind her laptop.

Needless to say, I didn't try anymore, but I said, "Well, you better be thinking about it because before I leave tonight, I'm going to get Grace to take a picture of me and you!!!"

Kate's response was, "Maybe."

I looked at Grace and just sort of shrugged, knowing for sure that I'd eventually win (!!), to which Grace turned around to look at Kate. I mistakenly thought Grace was going to tell Kate she needed to do it since I'm such a fabulous aunt (!!), BUT this was Grace's response:

"Uhhh....Kate.....YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN SHE IS!!!"

I said, "GRACE....Hello!!!! I can hear you!!" Grace just started laughing and said, "Well...she is!"

I mean, how do you NOT laugh at that?? My goodness! Kate truly is a beautiful girl now. Here's a picture of her about a year ago to prove my point:

I'm not complaining because I'm very proud of BOTH of them, and I'm thrilled that Grace thinks her sister is the greatest thing since sliced bread, BUT wow.....she just cracks me up sometimes!

Feelin' like POO

Man, talk about feeling like a pile of POO! I got a letter from the little girl I sponsor yesterday. She doesn't write them herself yet, so they are filled in by a social worker, volunteer teacher, or someone like that. What I got was a list of things their form letter asks with her answers:

Response to sponsor's questions:
I thank you for everything you have been doing for me.

Questions from Child to Sponsor:
I want to know why you have not been writing to me.

I would like to know more about:
I will love to know more about your country, and how life is treating you.

Child's prayer for sponsor:
I pray to God that may your blessings be more and more.

Child's prayer request:
I ask God to bless you abundantly.

"I want to know why you have not been writing to me." I was so excited to see that I had a letter from her, but when I read those words, it hit me like a ton of bricks....and it made me sad. Admittedly, this last year has been extremely hectic, and my letters have slacked off some since I started sponsoring her, but I have written several times this last year, either online through Compassion International, or with a real letter. That one simple sentence though, seriously, made me feel terrible. It makes me see that no matter what I may do through sponsorship with money, what kids want is time and attention. They need to be made to feel special. They need to know someone cares. I have dropped the ball in a big way. I have promised and not delivered, and that bothers me a lot.

I am going to apologize to her, because I also realize that children need to know that adults can mess up sometimes. I am going to do my best to write to her once a week this year, and begin to build a real relationship with her. It's obvious that she's aged some with her questions and reasoning since I began sponsoring her, and with that comes the need for me to not just send money for sponsorship or 'stuff.'

I don't even know how to end this post, and in fact, it's so unflattering to me personally, I don't even know why I'm telling anyone. I guess these are the reasons we have blogs sometimes...so we can just write what's going on, and on our heart.....

Wow...today was the first day of tax season hours for this year! Can't believe it's already rolled around again. Weird as it seems, I usually feel that I don't know where the year goes before all this is here again, but I've been thinking this week that it seems like a really long time ago that I had to work on Saturdays! That's a good feeling! It's been really busy, and I'm eager for things to be this way...I'm going to work on maintaining that outlook these next 3 months. :-)

Dee went today to get the PET scan results from Monday, and Dr York told her the scan was not clear, that the cancer isn't gone. She's probably headed to the stem cell transplant this time, but she'll meet with those doctors sometime in the next few days and find out a game plan. I am eager to see what her next step is. She mentioned a few weeks ago that she's reading a book titled, 'A Bend in the Road,' by David Jeremiah. He had lymphoma back in the 90's, AND he's had a stem cell transplant, so it's an incredible book to her. I decided I wanted to read it too because she said so much of what he has to say are exact same ways she's felt at times, and those are things that I want to know. It is such a RICH book! I'm only through chapter two, but have about decided that I need to keep a journal of quotes from this book to look back on. It speaks to anyone going through trying times, definitely worth a read if you're looking for a good book to sink yourself into. I usually like to read a chapter a night, at least, when I'm reading a book, but this is so powerful that I have to stop after a few pages just to ponder it all and take it all in. I can't wait to get further into it!

Changing gears here, I'm going to add a note about my nieces:

Kate is now 15 and has her Learner's license! Man! Talk about feelin' old! :-) She is still the precious girl she's always been, and she blesses me with her wisdom and her heart, even at this age. Of course, at home, she's a teenager (!!), and I get to hear that part from my sister, but I don't particularly want to hear it....that's not the role God gave me to worry with! I do find myself being a sounding board for her sometimes, when she and my sister aren't getting along, but I think it does make her pause for thought when I don't always take her side. I understand her words, and her heart, and I know where she's coming from, but I also can see my sister's side of things at times, so without being as 'cutting' as my sister can be, or being a parent, I'm finding that I can say things in a way that makes her think, but doesn't make her irritated. That's a nice place to be, and I love being an aunt. That's a real news flash, isn't it? :-)

Both she and Grace went the route of that new Christian school, as some of you may remember. LOTS of drama and quite a few bad experiences there, so Kate decided earlier this year, I think sometime around Thanksgiving, that she was ready to go back to public school! She is a 'wrestlerette,' a scorekeeper for the wresting team, and seems to have fit back into that life rather well. The great thing is that she kept in touch with so many friends from middle school while she was at the other school that it felt like they were all just waiting on her to come back and join them. She's at a good place in life, and I'm very proud.

Grace is still at the Christian school, but she's had her own set of drama and bad experiences, so she'll be going back to public school next year as she starts middle school. I can't believe she's that old either....she will be 11 in April! GEEZ! She's still playing soccer, loves sports, games, anything that is either outside or just enough to stay busy. She's a sweet girl. Very tenderhearted and helpful. We still have a very cool understanding of each other in humor and the way our minds work, so that makes it fun. She decided she wants to be a cheerleader a few months ago, so tomorrow night, I'm going to watch her cheer at her first basketball game. I'm excited to see that. Make me smile even to type it. She was a majorette earlier this year too! It's hard to keep that girl down! I am a very blessed aunt. I may try to take my camera a sneak a picture or two of her cheering tomorrow, so if I do, I'll post them. What a hoot! I can't wait!

"The 21st Time"

Looking back...and forward.

So now that I've commited to this new blog, I am sitting here wondering what in the world I am going to write about. I look back over the last year and see several things that have had profound effects on me, but don't even know where to start to put everything into words. I have had the privilege of walking with a very dear friend through her struggle with cancer, I have seen my Dad have surgery for prostate cancer, I have had the wonderful experience of a great new pastor that is driven by God, and is teaching us to pray and pour ourselves out in ways I've not experienced before. I've had the opportunity to have some great conversations with friends, both in expressing my appreciation for them, and in gaining great advice as well. It's just been a year of growth, rich in experience.

I know that I posted on my other blog about Dee and her lymphoma diagnosis. She was scheduled to have six chemos, then a PET scan to see where things stood. It was determined after that scan that she would go through two more rounds of chemo, then have another PET scan. After that, there were still three places that were still there, albiet small. SO she had to have two more rounds of some chemo called RICE...what that stands for, I have no idea. Today she went for another PET scan, she'll meet with her doctor on Thursday, then she is scheduled to have a stem cell transplant in the coming weeks. I know she would appreciate your prayers.

I saw my friend, Bev, battle cancer for seven years. It started out as breast cancer, then metastisized to other parts of her body. Eventually, it went to her liver, and she was gone within two weeks. She was a symbol of courage and faith, and I will forever be grateful for some of the conversations we had, and the lessons she taught me. I watched her group of friends, they call themselves 'Magnolias,' rally around her and walk with her every step of the way. I was close to Bev, but not like these women. From afar, I admired the closeness they shared, and thought that they truly were like that movie 'Steel Magnolias.' That's one of my very favorite movies because you can almost laugh and cry all in one breath! I've come to realize the value of those types of relationships as I've gotten older.

Earlier this year, a girl in my Sunday school class, Lane (one of the Magnolias), did our lesson one Sunday. It was about Hannah being childless, then how she prayed and left her burden with God, 'and her face was no longer downcast.' Well, that lesson really spoke to me because I battled for several years with being single, childless, etc. My life just wasn't following the 'normal' pattern of everyone else I knew. Then there came a day where I sort of did what Hannah did. I just prayed and left it with God. With that being said, I later e-mailed Lane, and told her what a great job she'd done on that lesson, how I could identify with the things she said, etc. THEN, I went on to tell her, because she was one of Bev's closest friends, that walking with Dee on this cancer journey has given me new eyes to see what all she did for Bev, and how I aspired to be that kind of friend to Dee. Simply faithful, dependable, and steadfast. I just cried as I typed that e-mail, partly because I knew how deeply she had been affected by Bev's life, and death, partly because I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose a friend you are THAT close to, and partly because of my own desires of being that steadfast. Lane's words back to me were profound and heartwarming:

"I know you are now walking a difficult path with your very close friend. It is a hard walk, but also a blessing at times. I know that God has prepared you for this because of your past actions. Like Dr. Phil says, "Past behavior is a perfect indicator of future behavior," and that is a good thing in your case. Laugh together, cry together, and just be there for each other. Don't let anything stop you when God prompts you. You think sometimes you are giving, but God always turns it around and gives you both a blessing. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. Brent and I will be at his grandmothers this weekend helping her, therefore I won't be there Sunday. Please look at the chair I usually sit in and know I am giving you a hug, just as if I was there. If I were able to be there I would be giving you a hug!!! You are a sweet lady, and I am proud to call you a friend."

Those words were exactly what I needed to hear. God's timing.

Dee's testimony has been astounding as she's walked the path God has had for her this last year. She's really even geared up for the stem cell transplant, even though she knows it will be hard on her body. She's ready to tackle it, head on. I really believe God uses the people we are closest to in order to teach us His lessons sometimes, and He's used all this in my life in a big way these last few months. As I've admitted before, He's used her to sharpen my prayer life, and my spiritual life, and our friendship has gained a new closeness that has been nothing but a blessing. I've tried hard to follow Lane's advice of, 'Don't let anything stop you when God prompts you.' Actually, Bev had told me that several times too, but the more of life I experience, I come to know more and more that if I can listen to God, and if I am able to discern His voice, He really gives us all the direction we need...in our relationships with others, and in our relationship with Him.

I never get tired of learning that lesson!

A fresh start

I've been thinking lately about how much I've missed blogging. As several of you know, I had personal reasons for slacking off with posting on my previous blog, reasons that I won't go into again here, but I've come to realize that it's an outlet I've missed.

I would have to admit that the ease of Facebook also been one of the reasons I've not blogged, but that venue doesn't fill the need I have sometimes to just get things down in writing, from my heart. In detail. Just to put in writing where I may happen to be in life and what I am feeling. I was thinking about all this the other day as I was driving home, and it hit me, "Just start a new blog, Ding-dong!" So, I've decided to start again...with a new name...some of the friends from my old blog as readers...and with an openness that I have missed. I may still post on the other blog because it has been a part of my past, and I LOVE the name, since it was partially named with tribute to my niece, but I think from here forward, I'll post general stuff on that one, and save this one for the 'life' stuff. I've been carrying lots around with me this past year with nothing to 'do' with it.

Hopefully, this will be the fresh start that I need...